he seemed like someone
who never wanted
to understand me
he stood there long after death
with an enormous question mark
in his absent eyes
it was a missed opportunity
to travel deeply
into someone's psyche
if i wait long enough, there may be silence
if i wait even longer, the silence may embrace me
oh yellow moon
would you like to spoon
down a starlit path
where we skip and croon
we can kiss and dance
in your moolit sky
oh yellow moon
teach me how to fly
such a yellow moon
i have never seen
it’s a lemon pie
shining in our eye
oh yellow moon
please don’t go away
i want to play
hold me in your arms
i don’t know where i’ll go
i don’t know who i am
i don’t know if there’s anywhere
if somewhere is gone
i’ve lost my only name
it slipped away at night
and now that i can see the day, it’s holding too much light
i’ve lost so many words
my head is almost empty
what happened to my dreams
they used to dwell inside
i only hear the echoes
of a yesterday brain
i don’t know who i am
i’ve lost me everywhere
when people stop and talk to me
i only see their moving lips
what’s happened to my friends
or were they ever there
is anything an answer or are there only vacant questions
i walk along a road
it’s empty with confusion
i stop and scream as loud as being
nothing happens in nowhere
everything seems vacant
the trees are swaying unknown rhythms
i don’t know who i am
the orchid stood
in the window
with statuesque
ele g an c e,
listened to the purring cats
relaxed into meditations
as the sun rose there were moments
of complete stillness the flowers became translucent adorations
ultraviolet reflections
pu r e l i ght
then there is the dark,brown pottery cup
with a gracefully curved handle
sitting on a shelf in the study for years
one night, when all was still
it roll-crept out to the vestibule
and climbed atop the water cooler
nobody noticed the cup's move
would it remain there forever?
or until dustdom?
perhaps someone would find it
in a garage sale and say,
"what a lovely cup
it will look good on my desk
nice and warm to hold in the cold mornings"
and life was anew once more.
gradually the house silenced
four peaceful cats left
they had a wonderful life
on two decks
a garden full of bugs
and many flying creatures
two people dissolved
leaving sensuous smells
joyful sounds
eternal memories
watchful eyes waited in the flower beds
with humming birds and sparrows the future was hidden
in the roots
of all the plants
a solitary lemon
fell to the edge of the walk
it looked as though it was perfect
not a nick, not a bite
but it could have been
rotting underneath.
after being surrounded
by a tree full of other lemons
being alone was very different
not frightening, a new phase
it was there a very long time
longer than lemons usually last
lemon looked around
and saw that the tree was gone
all that was left was a crumbling
fading, shadowy outline
looking inside itself, lemon
was aware of unusual movements
every tissue was solid
its skin had become smooth
and strong like leather
it was turning to stone, petrifying lemon didn't panic
it was another change
the next morning as the lemon awoke
the air felt unusual
next to the lemon was an enormous tree trunk
wider than one could imagine. it was a redwood
a magnificent redwood
the redwood smiled, lemon looked around
it was surrounded by hundreds of other redwoods lemon was happy. it was the right place to be
at the end of the day lemon fell asleep
floated into a very long dream not knowing if it would wake
or what it would be
if it did wake
Tibetan bowls are ringing
high in the sky
almost reaching clouds
pure and vibrant sounds
stopping and starting
breaking into pieces
each carries its own sound
with a tiny whisper
chattering
like monastery monks
coming back to grassy hills
returning to patches of sand
materializing into holy unisons
almost without notice
trees listen streams harmonize long phrases of gratitude
my mother used to sing to me
while working in the kitchen
i was playing in the yard
at my pretend stove
"playmate, come out and play with me
my dolly has the flu
boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo
climb down the rain barrel
slide down the cellar door
and we'll be jolly friends
forevermore"
i hear her right now
she thinks i don't recognize her voice
she's hiding inside a large mocking bird
she's singing very loudly
" hello Kasha , i'd know your voice anywhere
come down and play with me
i'll sing you a counting song
and you can show me how to fly"
one of these days,
hopefully soon
we must sit, just we two
slowly consume a bottle of vodka
laugh and cry
laugh and sing
laugh and shout
smile to everyone who tells us to shut up
invite them to dance with us
light 83 candles dance some more
light 47 candles
take our shoes off, remove our socks, pull up our pant legs
roll a wooden barrel out to the grass, fill it with chopped cabbage
another double vodka add some salt
caraway seeds
slice some thick, dark, rye bread, spread on the butter
lie down on the grass, savor the bread
finish off the bottle
wander into a sauerkraut dream
the smell will be so pungent
II
this is all you get
but i need to smell some more
smell a certain way
what way?
smelly, but beautiful smelly
an earthy, dirty fragrance what's in the barrel
caraway seeds, cabbage, sweet onions, slivers of carrot
what are you making?
stand quietly and you'll smell self, smell others.
i won't be caught in this trick, your stupid sauerkraut joke
this is all you get
i've already had a week, stay with me and help me,
help me discover, when cabbage becomes sauerkraut
let's have some more vodka.
( for alex )
i’m trying to find a place to lie down
where there is no thought of arising
a place where my body can rot
an airspace in which my spirit
can evaporate
but everywhere i sense
i s only beauty
anywhere i touch is sacred
i can’t imagine earth without me
i can’t imagine the absence of grace
seven angelic silhouettes
stand ready to smite me
my smiling sword will enclose them
i’m trying to find a place for disappearing
my wings
are ready
to fly
