he seemed like someone
who never wanted
to understand me
he stood there long after death
with an enormous question mark
in his absent eyes
it was a missed opportunity
to travel deeply
into someone's psyche
if i wait long enough, there may be silence
if i wait even longer, the silence may embrace me


oh yellow moon
would you like to spoon
down a starlit path
where we skip and croon

we can kiss and dance
in your moolit sky
oh yellow moon
teach me how to fly

such a yellow moon
i have never seen
it’s a lemon pie
shining in our eye

oh yellow moon
please don’t go away
i want to play
hold me in your arms

i don’t know where i’ll go
i don’t know who i am
i don’t know if there’s anywhere
if somewhere is gone
i’ve lost my only name
it slipped away at night
and now that i can see the day, it’s holding too much light
i’ve lost so many words
my head is almost empty
what happened to my dreams
they used to dwell inside
i only hear the echoes
of a yesterday brain

i don’t know who i am
i’ve lost me everywhere
when people stop and talk to me
i only see their moving lips
what’s happened to my friends
or were they ever there
is anything an answer or are there only vacant questions
i walk along a road
it’s empty with confusion
i stop and scream as loud as being
nothing happens in nowhere
everything seems vacant
the trees are swaying unknown rhythms
i don’t know who i am

                         the orchid stood
                          in the   window
                          with statuesque
                          ele    g  an   c    e,
                   listened to the purring cats

                  relaxed into       meditations  
                as the sun rose there were moments
                          of complete stillness                                                                      the flowers became                          translucent adorations
                         ultraviolet reflections
                       pu  r         e       l      i ght
 then there is the dark,brown pottery cup
             with a gracefully curved handle
                  sitting on a shelf in the study for years

                  one night, when all was still
                  it roll-crept out to the vestibule
                  and climbed atop the water cooler
nobody noticed the cup's move
would it remain there forever?
                       or until dustdom? 
                       perhaps someone would find it
in a garage sale and say,
"what a lovely cup
it will look good on my desk
nice and warm to hold in the cold mornings"
     and life was anew once more.
 gradually the house silenced
                                  four peaceful cats left
                                  they had a wonderful life
                                  on two decks
                                  a garden full of bugs
                                  and many flying creatures
two people dissolved
leaving sensuous smells
joyful           sounds
eternal          memories
                                                                                                                                                                                                                               
              watchful eyes waited in the flower beds
                  with humming birds and sparrows              the future was hidden
in the roots
        of all the plants
                            

                                                                                 
                                          
                          

a solitary lemon
fell to the edge of the walk
it looked as though it was perfect
not a nick, not a bite
but it could have been
rotting underneath.
after being surrounded
by a tree full of other lemons
being alone was very different
not frightening, a new phase
                                  it was there a very long time
                                  longer than lemons usually last
                                  lemon looked around
                                  and saw that the tree was gone
                                  all that was left was a crumbling
                                   fading, shadowy outline
looking inside itself, lemon
was aware of unusual movements
every tissue  was solid
its skin had become smooth 
and strong like leather
it was turning to stone, petrifying                          lemon didn't panic
it was another change
                        the next morning as the lemon awoke
                        the air felt unusual
next to the lemon was an enormous tree trunk
wider than one could imagine. it was a redwood
                                                                 a magnificent redwood
the redwood smiled, lemon looked around
it was surrounded                 by hundreds of other redwoods lemon was happy.                    it was the right place to be
at the end of the day lemon fell asleep
             floated into a very long dream                    not knowing if it would wake 
              or what it would be
if it did wake
                                            
                                                                                   
          Tibetan bowls are ringing
                                           high in the sky
almost reaching clouds
                                  pure and vibrant sounds
 stopping and starting
                             breaking        into         pieces
                                 each carries its own sound
                                           with a tiny whisper
chattering 
like monastery monks
coming back to grassy hills
returning to patches of sand
materializing into holy unisons 
             almost without     notice

trees listen  streams harmonize  long phrases of gratitude  
                                                                 
                                           
my mother used to sing to me
while working in the kitchen
i was playing in the yard
at my pretend stove
          "playmate, come out and play with me
            my dolly has the flu
            boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo
            climb down the rain barrel 
            slide down the cellar door
            and we'll be jolly friends 
                                    forevermore"
i hear her right now
she thinks i don't recognize her voice
she's hiding inside a large mocking bird 
she's singing very loudly
                          " hello Kasha , i'd know your voice anywhere
                            come down and play with me
                             i'll sing you a counting song
                             and you can show me how to fly"
                            one of these days,
                           hopefully   soon
                       we must sit, just we two
                 slowly consume a bottle of vodka
                          laugh and cry
                                    laugh and sing
                                               laugh and shout
smile to everyone                            who tells us to shut up
                       invite them to dance with us
               light 83 candles      dance some more
        light 47 candles
take our shoes off, remove our socks, pull up our pant legs
roll a wooden barrel out to the grass, fill it with chopped cabbage
        another double vodka                                        add some salt
                                                                                                caraway       seeds
slice some thick, dark, rye bread, spread on the butter
                lie down on the grass, savor the bread
                finish off the bottle
                wander into a sauerkraut dream
                the smell will be so pungent 


                      II

                                   
                       this is all you get
                       but i need to smell some more
smell a certain way
what way?
smelly, but beautiful smelly
an earthy, dirty fragrance                                        what's in the barrel
caraway seeds, cabbage, sweet onions, slivers of carrot
what are you making?
stand quietly and you'll smell self, smell others.
i won't be caught in this trick, your stupid sauerkraut joke
this is all you get
i've already had a week, stay with me and help me,
help me discover, when cabbage becomes sauerkraut
let's have some more vodka.

( for alex )


i’m trying to find a place to lie down
where there is no thought of arising
a place where my body can rot
an airspace in which my spirit
can evaporate
but everywhere i sense
i s only beauty
anywhere i touch is sacred
i can’t imagine earth without me
i can’t imagine the absence of grace

seven angelic silhouettes
stand ready to smite me
my smiling sword will enclose them
i’m trying to find a place for disappearing
my wings
are ready
to fly